The real Luna
by Kessa Potizma
Summary: A story about the real Luna Lovegood, her dealings with her fellow students torture, her mothers death, and new found romance with some very famous. rated R for references to self mutilation, suicide, and sexual themes.
1. Default Chapter

**A story about the real Luna Lovegood**

Rated R for references to self mutilation, suicide and sex later on.

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The small brass alarm clock on Luna's bedside table rang shrilly. She rolled over and clicked the small button on the back, ignored her roommates grumbling, and swiftly rolled out of bed. Another day. This was just what she needed. Another day of pain and torture from her fellow peers. The ones who were supposed to be her friends. "Shut up!" she told herself. "You don't have time for self pity" She changed in the cover of the curtains around her bed; not wanting to bring unwanted attention to herself. The day passed by uneventfully, but when she returned to her dorm to finish her homework. It was another story. Two girls were waiting for her. Luna walked in to catch them riffling through her trunk and bedside table drawer. One of them was holding her knife.  
  
Her knife, the only thing she had comfort in. she had stolen it from a small shop in france after her mothers funeral. The girl who was holding it smiled a truly evil smile and said "well well well, loony lovegood had a secret! Looooonys a cutter, a filthy, worthless, fucking cutter!"  
  
Luna just stood there unable to move, then an idea hit her. "Am not! I had food in here once..."  
  
She girls smile widened, "and that's why you wear long skirts...in the summer?!" she cackeled loudly, dropped the knife, and strode out of the room, followed by her friend.  
  
Luna sunk against the wall, unable to hold back tears. This was everything. This was all she was living for. She stood up, choking on her tears. Strode over to her nightstand and picked up her knife, looking at it. It had a red wooden handle on witch she had painted the name of her mother. She had also drawn small flowers and butterflies. She laughed, still crying, at the comic-ness of this knife. She sat on her bed, and drew the curtains closed.  
  
She held the knife steady, slowly pulling up the ends of her knee length skirt. She drew the knife over her skin. Blood running quickly down her leg, onto the white sheet. She felt no pain. She didn't need the pain, just the blood. she only needed to know she was alive.  
  
She had been so wrapped up in the moment that she hadn't heard the dormitory door open. Ginny Weasly, the only person who had even paid somewhat positive attention to her, had walked into the dorm. 


	2. Thoughts

Ok, to answer the reviews: Ginny got in the dorm because she has the ravenclaw password from Luna. I was going to put that in there but it got lost in editing. Ok, on with the story.  
  
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"Luna?" came Ginny's voice Luna jumped, she hadn't heard her come in, she scrambled to hide her cuts, but she would have no way to explain the blood running down he leg and on the sheets. She quickly grabbed a cloth that she kept hidden under her pillow, and wiped the blood from her leg. Pressing down firmly, trying to make the bleeding stop. "Luna? Are you in here?"' came ginny's voice again. Luna jumped out from behind the curtain, acting as natural as she could.  
  
"Hey, uh, Ginny. Umm, what brings you here?" she blushed as she realized there was blood on her fingers.  
  
"Oh, nothing, I just heard that some jerks were messing with you today, so I decided to come see if you were alright. ", she looked around, "are you? You kind of look like you've been crying."  
  
Luna sighed, "yeah I have, but I'm fine, I'm going to take a bath, I'll talk to you later..." And without another word she strode from the room.  
  
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Luna walked a short way along the lake, then settled on its bank, shielded from view by a think band of shrubs. She pulled out her books but strangely, couldn't bring herself to start her homework. She sat, looking over the shimmering surface of the lake, thinking.  
  
She had changed so much since her mother's death, since she started school, since she had been thrown into this life. And now she had a new problem, her cutting. The whole thing scared her, the fact that, when she was sad or angry, that she could deliberately cut into her own flesh. She felt lonely scared, she seemed to be on a long journey of emotions and she couldn't control it. Another thing that scared her beyond the cutting was the possibility of suicide. She had thought about it before, she knew she could, and probably would, if she was angry enough. And that scared her more than anything did. She didn't really want to die, only sometimes it seemed like the only way out. She felt like she had some sort of power something she couldn't control. But the pain was like a drug. She would feel lightheaded and all he sorrows were gone, as soon as she saw the blood, felt the icy cool pain.  
  
She looked around and realized it was getting dark, she gathered her things and walked back to the castle.  
  
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Ok, people, more coming soon. I'm not going to abandon this one, I really like Luna and I'm kind of mixing my own experiences into this one so it shout be pretty exciting. Please keep reviewing, I appreciate it!! 


	3. Confessions

Hello again! I'm still continuing with the story and I appreciate all the reviews and emails I'm getting. Well, here we go:  
  
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Luna walked slowly down the marble staircase and into the great hall. She looked around, the only people here were a few slytherin students, a couple of hufflepuffs and one gryffindor. The breakfast for that morning was already laid out. Not wanting to stand out too much by sitting all alone, she strode over to the lonely gryffindor. It was Harry Potter. She hesitated before sitting down.  
  
"Hi', she said glancing up at him, "d'you know where Ginny is?"  
  
He looked at her, seeming quite exasperated.  
  
"I don't know, she's still in the dorm or something... now don't you belong to ravenclaw?"  
  
At that moment Ginny walked into the hall. "Luna! Hey!" She sat down next to harry, opposite Luna. She looked up at harry, who still seemed aggravated, then back to Luna, who was trying to keep her face as natural as possible. Luna picked up a napkin and laid a few pieces of toast on it. "Hey, gin I'm going outside, I'll se you later..." She walked quickly out of the hall, thinking of what she could do that day when she heard Professor McGonnagal's voice. "Miss Lovegood I would like to have a word with you." Luna's heart skipped a beat. She walked cautiously forward, into McGonnagals office. She looked around, she had never been in here before, and there were many bookshelves and file cabinets.  
  
"Luna," she said as Luna sat down, opposite her desk, 'it has come to my attention that you have recently been engaging in self destructive activity, self-mutilation in other terms, apparently some girls were in your dormitory when they stumbled upon a knife, they said they had suspected you were 'cutting' so obviously when they found the knife in your bedroom they were afraid that their suspicions were correct."  
  
Luna was speechless, not only had these girls lied to professor and told on her at the same time. She looked at McGonnagal trying hard to think of an excuse, but her mind was blank. She sat there for what seem like hours, the clock on the wall clicking rather annoyingly. She took a deep breath and said, "Those girls are not my friends. They did not 'stumble' across my knife, they were digging through my bedside table drawers and my trunk when I wasn't there,"  
  
"So you are a 'cutter'?"  
  
"No! I swear, I have the knife because it.it.... Was my mothers! I can prove it, it has her name on the side..." She knew she sounded guilty, but she didn't care. She couldn't have McGonnagal know. She didn't want anyone to know. And McGonnagal was deputy headmistress. If she told Dumbledore... or worse, if her father knew.  
  
"Luna, I would like you to pull up the hem of your skirt. All I want to see is your thighs."  
  
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CLIFHANGER!!!!! MUWAHHHH! Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to figure out what Luna's going to do next, posting new chapter tomorrow. Don't be mad at meeee! 


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